Black Belt Mindset: An Ode to WCWMA
“The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.” – Vince Lombardi
This has honestly been a rough couple of months, almost two to be exact and this roller coaster has left me struggling to find a place and an identity. People varying from parents, to affiliates and even students of Ernie Reyes’ West Coast World Martial Arts have asked me why exactly it is that I left West Coast Newark, and ultimately the Association. There I had been a Student as well as am employee under position and or ‘Front Desk’. It has been surprising for all the inquiry regarding my departure since I was no one in the Association, newly on the scene of events the last two years and simlpy one of the million in the pack that have come and gone. So I was astounded by all the concern having come specifically from folks of my own school.
My journey with (ERWCWMA) began when I believe I was in or around the 1st grade and my family all joined but didn’t last due to the time and financial constraints. Over time with a friend in the 2nd grade who later joined and got his 1st degree black belt, and eventually talking about West Coast with my friend Marshall Lyons regarding it all I knew I wanted to go back. Marshall Lyons was 2nd Degree Black Belt who during high school trained and worked at Newark and during our bus rides home I would constantly describe my feelings and desire to be a part of West Coast once again ultimately earning my own Black Belt through the esteemed experiential teachings of KJN Ernie Reyes. I found myself walking in Newark here and there just watching and visiting Marshall always saying, “One day I’m coming back for me.”
And I did. It was the Summer of 2008 I had made plans to do so and stopped by with questions for how to do just that having spoken to Jojo and BSBN Jason Prestosa, whom I would later meet and enjoy taking class with. I eventually began taking more classes then permitted let alone in one day, starting with belt class then the adult class. Over time with increasing interest turning into passion I wanted to learn more being interested in XPT classes. It was at the end of 2009 that I was offered to work at Newark per KJN’s Tony Thompson and Brenda Darling. I already a job at the time, but for a kid who already spent most of her time staying at the studio watching, learning from other students being a fly on the wall wanting to learn more, it only made sense to get paid to work at setting you loved to be at 24/6.
During the first month I began to SWAT more than work Administration and train as a Front Desk, yet, it was then I had a better understanding and desire to ‘Give Value’ and discovered my own interest in teaching through SWATing and helping out the instructors by any means. From then on I began my time as many of you do as both a worker and student of West Coast.
Under the tutelage KJN Brenda Darling I learned a cornucopia of knowledge far beyond martial arts. It wasn’t until later this year did I recognize her acceptance and her experience had to offer, especially when it came to training and did I take advantage of it. My growing relationship with KJN Brenda surrounded me with new people, new insights and a dedicated service to the Association as a result. It being a new world I had entered in unaware of what I was getting myself into especially this year, I didn’t know who to trust or who not to trust all I knew was that I sought to be myself and enjoyed the ideals of such a community and servicing it in any way shape or form.
I still remember April’s Black Belt test, themed “Do The Impossible,” where I had only gone originally to hang out and if needed help out KJN Brenda at the event. Sure I ended up working at the event and ran around like many at the helms of the KJN’s and KJN Tony himself but that was not nearly as memorable as the laughs that were shared meeting new people and engaging in ‘Good Times’ with individuals who shared the same passions. I still laugh recalling a moment where I had ran on the field at Santa Clara for KJN Tony and as I left I engaged in added conversation with BSBN Malia, there we did the ‘Stanky Leg’ and I showed off my impeccable dance moves. (Moves I speak sarcastiacally about)
This years events are firsts not only for the experience but for a rebuilding and a reaffirming in the goodness in people. Honestly, nothing will compare to that of this years Boot Camp where I had attended for mostly Administration seminars like most and training sessions at night. Three days of endless Fun! I didn’t know many and many didn’t know me then but I knew that allowing myself to open up to the setting and all it had to offer they were sure to find out about me by the end. I quickly grew enamored by the individuals whom I had met regardless of any preconieved notions of them or myself. Instantly I noticed I was being myself enjoying my time free of judgement and open to the endless possibilites. I laugh as aI remember the going back to Campbell for training on night during that weekend and during a training break having Destiny ask KJN Brenda what school I was from. I saw my playful inner child be resurrected from much exile for the last for years in one weekend. It was so funny running around hiding from Boo and scaring her from playing hide and go seek. By the end of the night I smile at the blurry pictures taken with my old phone with Mathea and Boo Friday night. However, I am taken aback by the disapproval by people of my own home school for who I spent my time hanging out with that weekend referring to me as a “trader” amongst other words of dissent for having hung out with who they deemed as “them” and as the “demo team.”
The rest of the weekend I never ceased to show my true colors, my authentic self having met new people, made new friends and ultimately family. Including my ‘Best Friends’ (Mathea & Boo), the Cowboy (Ki) and later whom would be creatively deemed as ‘D-Money’ (Destiny)–Let me not forget ‘Lil Deezy’/Lil’ Dave (Dave). It wasn’t simply the meeting of new people, or being myself in a setting completly new to myself but even the patience and teaching from KJN Jason Cole that brought a weekend of ‘Boot Camp’ to be glorified with pure appreciation and love.
I was excited going back to train andwork at my home school. But to my own chagrin I knew the feeling would inevitably not last. The next event for me would be September’s Tournament and lastly October’s Black Belt Test. My last day of work at West Coast Newark was on October 21st, what I realize now to be exactly 2 months ago. The test was then my last time with the Association. Two days of what was supposed to be work turned out to be so surreal in the end. Especially Saturday, having met so many people and in awe the entire weekend for the display of such hospitality and astounding heart.
Nothing will be as surpising and warming as the moment Boo, Destiny and Ki came back with their niece and as they pointed to me with her she immidiately came to me and we embraced as I picked her up. Oh the fuzzy energy and warmth of children. (This was cute, I guess you had to be there, although I met you briefly you are surrounded by love kid.) Might I add the awesomeness that came with the world famous KJN Donna Bernardi asking who I was and after mid conversation and moment KJN Margie exclaiming, “Isn’t she funny?!” KJN Donna replied with “You’re pretty cool!” (Let me note the lack of communication with KJN Donna and I other than that of Events and Seminars or even giving value during Boot Camp, so you get the randomness of it all). Oh Donel Rogers & Annie Shear, I will leave my constant appreciation for a moment in time and the kindness you two have given me with a quote from such a night that has been publicized even on fb, “Campbell is good to me.”
A lot of people see a title, rank, uniform, and even reputation of individuals within the Association. However, none of that has ever crossed my mind, sure I respect it as a martial artist, but I do not attach myself to it. I find myself attached to the soul and charater of a people and all that it brings. Not bound by cliques’, inner circles, or groups but rather a mutual connection.
That Saturday night and ultimately the weekend, I believe will be one to never forget and will go down in the books. Why? Simply put for how refreshing it was to have been welcomed by everybody whom I came across and let in even if for that weekend. I notice now that as I kept repeating how much I appreciated the love and although I knew then that it wouldn’t last and found it so surreal. I was so jaded slightly resistent and dumbfounded by the kindness that was shown. It was quite a synchronicity for a moment I needed never leaving a love consciousness and almost entering a cosmic consciousness from all the smiles and laughter. Sigh. For most of that weekend, what happened there will stay there nut will forever be in my heart and in my memory.
So why travel memory lane in my brief stint with West Coast? So you can catch a quick glimpse at what I left behind and still desire to back to. For I still am I firm believer in the passion and message that is conveyed through the ideals of KJN Ernie and most importantly martial arts.
Others might disagree, noting the depature of KJN Brenda Darling prior to my leaving as reason on my part. Sure given the timeline it would make all the sense in the world from the outside but that was not the reason at all, and far from it as much as it was hard to grasp. I left Newark because I had to, knowing it was a place that I could no longer grow to my fullest potential as both a martial artist and an invidiual. I wrote out my formal letter of resignation and left a week later.
Since then I have had time to focus on other areas of my life. It is during this time I realize how much I still long for Martial Arts and all it has to offer. I realize that the ideals conceptualized through the ’Life Skills’ are not only to be applied within West Coast but necessary for daily life. Life Skills aye? As I notice this bittersweet emptiness and learning having left I stand better working on myself hoping to one day come back to this outlet, this sport and this Association.
The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. Through the work I put in made it harder to surrender to the notion of ‘Quitting’ and failure having ended my tenure at Newark and ultimately the association. Knowing that I did take the test I was due prior to leaving. Knowing that leaving merely as a Red Belt reinforced the notion that I was incomplete of getting my Black Belt, and aspiring to have my name on my belt, korean on my belt, etc. I’m not much of a quitter, especially when it comes to Sports as an athlete. And as much as I have questioned the footprints and impact I left, I am grateful for the constant reminder of just that from parents and students who I run into and who contact me.
I have questioned who to trust, who not to trust, etc. within the context of thid community and in general. But through the people I have met, I have learned that the authenticity of an individual and all that it has to offer is far more rewarding. “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” (Marianne Williamson)
This reflection is meant to serve not as an explanation for why I left or what it was I was leaving but rather a promise. I have observed my own lack of a mindset let alone a Black Belt mindset held by an Idomitable Spirit, to never quit. Yet, when it has come to things unrelated to martial arts I am without such a mindset.
“Mastery in one’s career and consciousnes growth simply requires that we constantly produce results beyond and out of the ordinary. Mastery is a product of consistently going beyond our limits.–You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condeming, accept results and then improve upon them. Correct, don’t protect. Correction is essential to power and mastery.” (Life Skill Week #4, Stewart Emery)
As I work on the evolution of my self and recognize my need to work on the latter of that statement above I do not negate my own pursuit of mastery within martial arts and my own life. We hear about ‘Mastery’ as martial artists quite a bit even during events illustrating the constrast between a black belt degree and that of education. What I will and can say is that this is not the end. My education has not stopped and neither has my learning and ambition for it.
Why exactly I left is irrevlevant. Because i will be back. Back on the ‘Sacred’ martial arts floor and back to the self as I continue to learn and relearn many things. This is merely a break. I am what is known in football as a ‘Free Agent’ having left one team to come back stronger. To simply put it, ‘Train To Be Great!’ It sounds funny especially if you’re from West Coast reading this but I am an idealist as much as I pose as a cynic claiming to be a realest. There is a key word in that mantra, “Never ending improvement.” When I am ready, hopefully soon, in 2011 the school that is willing to embrace me with patience and desire, I will bow to you with an open heart and mind asking you to teach me.
Here I stand struggling; with what I can control and what I cannot and knowing the difference, living in the present, and most importantly accepting not only my autonomy but myself.
I close with a concept once praised and lectured to many of my students that I now must apply myself in my own life, ‘Sharpen the Blade.’ Why you ask? Because it is my formal duty to Sharpen my OWN blade. As hard as may be to accept in times of strife, reason above all else is where it must lie. And as much as it starts with you, it starts with me as well.
